Pintar Itu Sexy

Ch.1

At some point in the near future, all of this will come to an end. I'm already aware of this fact. The future me will likely feel regret for what I'm doing in this present. But the present me now just doesn't know what to do.

Let me start with this question.

What makes you perceive something as enjoyable or fun?

It's because it stands out as "unusual" compared to your typical activities. However, once the "unusual" becomes a regular habit, the enjoyment diminishes.

Upon this realization, I suddenly became very aware that I was extremely tired.

This is my story. Story about regret and the indecisiveness I've been experiencing. There have been moments in my life when I made choices that I now wish I had handled differently. These feelings of regret have been weighing on my mind, making me question the decisions I've made and leaving me feeling unsure about what to do next.

It all started when I became unemployed. At first, I really enjoyed it because suddenly I had a lot of free time. I stayed up night after night playing a game on my console, which I hadn’t been able to do before. Learn some programming language to create my own site, even a phone app. I enjoyed it so much that I felt like I had exhausted all the fun that I could have in my lifetime.

However, as you come to realize that they have become a regular part of your daily routine, the enjoyment begins to fade away.

And now, I didn't have the motivation to play video games, and I couldn't think of anything else to do. Without any plans to start looking for a job, I found myself in a situation where feeling tired seemed more appealing than having nothing to do at all.

It then began my sleepless night.

So, let's continue this with the next question.

Why do you think people stay up late at night?

Are there any TV shows they want to watch? Any activities they want to do? Or perhaps, are they feeling concerned about tomorrow?

Those entire questions come to one conclusion.

They are not satisfied with the day called today.

In the end, it is said that people sleep better after having a good and satisfying day. This means that when you have a day that makes you feel happy and content, it should help you fall asleep easily. However, since I am having trouble sleeping, it makes me wonder if I am not happy with my day. I ask myself, didn't I have a lot of fun already? Why am I still not feeling happy?

All of a sudden, memories from the past years flooded my mind. We were dreaming together back then. It happened because of the dim life we lived in a shabby college building that looked like it could collapse any moment due to an earthquake. There were two boys laughing, even though everything seemed gloomy. I, and everyone else, had been dreaming. In that strange time, we all had dreams of a fantastic future.

Back in our college days, we used to spend leisurely time with a special friend of mine. We would sit on a long bench and smoke cigarettes. Even though I was still a student headed absolutely nowhere, I was always smiling.

That certain friend of mine and I sat there. I glared at my book. That certain friend of mine said,

"Hey, what're you going to do in the future?"

"I don't really know what I'll do, but I should be able to find something I like..." I paused then looked away before I continued in murmured.

"Hmm... Everyone's getting older."

"Don't say that kind of stuff while we're young. Want a smoke?"

Taking a cigarette out of his pocket, he offered me a cigarette.

Cautiously, I took then lit it. then launched into a magnificent fit of coughing. While my eyes were watering, he said, "I hope it goes well."

"What goes well?"

"All kinds of things. I hope that I can continue this kind of happy daily life. You should work hard, too, and so will I. I'll leave with high spirits, and everything will be okay, somehow."

He was filled with both hope and anxiety. In that shabby collage building, filled with the light of the setting sun, we laughed as though we were dreaming.

Although neither of us could see anything concrete in our futures, we still were looking forward.

Even now, I can still remember it vividly - the two of us sitting on a long bench that I really missed. The sun was setting and its light was coming through the small windows while we had innocent conversations. We were wondering,

"What will happen to us?"

"Whatever happens will happen."

"I guess so."

That pleasant, gentle time in the afternoon.

I closed my eyes and thought back. Doing so, I soon realized that those memories would move in an emotionally difficult direction. I hurriedly opened my eyes and tried to stop thinking about it. However, the vector of my thoughts, once given a direction, could no longer be stopped.

Ahh... It hurts me now to explain the reason why I was sleep deprived, but if I have to explain it, It's because I was frightened by my futureless life, scared by my foolish anxieties, unable to see ahead and aiming nowhere, I continued ceaselessly living my ridiculously idiotic life. I was beset on all sides by invisible worries.

My forward progress to the future had stopped, and I was at my wit's end. And this, the cool night breeze suddenly felt good, thus I started to enjoy the cool night breeze.

Simply because It made my mind at ease and I didn't want to resume my day either.

I found myself standing in the middle of my single-men-only apartment. After let out a heavy sigh, I sat hugging my legs to my chest, melting into the deep darkness in the corner. It was night, and I couldn't see, hear, or do anything. A dark and terrible chill filled the isolated space. I held my head and trembled.

I said, "What have I done with my life?"

The future for me is filled with uncertainty.

"Ah," I moaned.

If I didn't do something and remain like this, I would be officially shunned.

As I continued to moan, I rolled down and kept rolling until I hit the wall on the other side. This is definitely a very weird act from the viewpoint of an outsider, but history has proven that people who do strange things tend to lead them into new ideas, especially when they give up on caring about the views of others, right?

"Ah... I don't care anymore about this shit..." I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

I traveled across somewhere between reality and dreamscape and completely snoozed off. When I came to my senses it was already morning, but the gloomy thought from yesterday continues to linger. And as usual, I had nothing to do and was bored.

...

I awoke to a warm atmosphere.

When I looked by the window with my sleepy eyes, faint rays of light from the morning sun were streaming in. The neighboring roofs all reflected a soft light. Today's weather was calm and cheerful. A refreshing morning breeze blew in through the window as I opened it. That morning, having picked myself up after the previous day's low spirits, I had decided to do something different, something new.

I turned my head and peeked at the wall clock. As I calculated, my sleeping time is a little bit less than that of an average person.

"Ahh... What should I do?" While suppressing a yawn, I thought about what to do. For the time being, however, first I needed to make breakfast. Even though I didn’t feel the hunger and urge to eat at all.

So far, my usual daily routine consists of waking at the decent hour of seven o'clock in the morning then only to lie in bed, lost in thought, until afternoon. Then decided to cry inside the bathroom while taking a bath for another hour.

Only eat breakfast with a cup of noodles, skip for lunch, then stroll outside for dinner and enjoy the cool night breeze. With all of that, I could manage my living expenses for at least until next year with my savings from my previous job.

I dragged myself with what's left of my consciousness towards the refrigerator. Upon opening, I realized that there was not a single item of food inside. I let out deep sigh, then, looking around at the kitchen to see if there's anything else. But nothing else could be seen, except for trash and assorted scraps littered around the floor.

Plastic bottles, empty tissue boxes, clothes and other rubbish littered the entire floor, manga books stood and fell in great piles, plastic bags upon plastic bags of unsorted trash tumbling where they may.

It wasn't clutter, just plain filth.

"Um... I guess I should start to clean up the room first, huh?" As I thought, I gathered rubbish scattered about the floor.

Commence mission!

First, I separated the garbage into different piles based on their types. Then, I put them into large trash bags and placed them in the waste disposal area. I only sorted clearly useless items into the trash. As for the less obvious, well, most of it would get thrown out. It was just being put on hold. Awaiting due process, you could say.

Twenty minutes later.

The room was starting to look clean enough. All that was left to do was to return a pile of manga books to their original location, inside a cardboard box in the corner of the room. It was still too early to relax, but the end was at least in sight.

"Phew! Man, I'm all sweaty now...“ I muttered those words as I plopped myself down on the floor.

My entire body was drenched in sweat, and that made me want to take a bath. "...Guess I'll go take a bath"

As I murmured, I weakly slid to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror to confirm my looks. The mirror reflected my body, the stubble from not shaving, my greasy hair, lifeless eyes, slack jaw... How could things have come to this? Ignoring that, I started to take off my clothes which were soaked in sweat. Then I started soaking my head, body and face with cold water. It felt very much refreshing. As my sweat washed away, I felt keenly that my body was being cleansed. As I carefully washed my body, I discovered that I was entirely out of both soap and shampoo.

I couldn't stop myself from letting out a deep sigh.

Did I have bad luck today or something? I wanted to have breakfast, but there was not a single item of food to eat. Then I planned to take a bath after tidying up the room, but only to discover that I was entirely out of both soap and shampoo. It felt like everything went wrong today.

As I wiped myself thoroughly, I started to get hungry.

"I'm feeling a little hungry right now"

Since there was nothing to eat here, and I also had to restock some items, this means my time to shop. Usually I do this at night, but since I haven't had breakfast either, then there’s no other choice but to do it now.

For the first time in a week, I ventured outside in broad daylight and headed to the lively city. It was such a brave and heroic act, it truly deserved a shower of applause from the whole world. I wanted to praise myself.

My blood was pumping as I changed my clothes. After making sure the door was locked behind me, I left my apartment.

As I was considering what to eat, I walked leisurely down the road....

After leaving the residential area behind, I reached the main road. I walked quite a distance before turning left and leaving the busy streets with many electronics shops. Then, I made another left turn and continued straight ahead, crossing the train tracks. Over there, I found a narrow building to the right. The shops nearby have games and wires and such put in a huge mess.

I keep following the road. After a few minutes walking, the cityscape changed into a quiet neighborhood.

I stop walking and gaze at the lodge-like building called Coffee Toffee. It appears to be a cozy shed from the outside. I take a few steps and gently push open the wooden door, which makes a pleasant bell ring sound.

*Ring* *Ring*

As I stepped into the store, I immediately felt relieved and let out a sigh. It was because the store felt cooler and less humid than the outside. And then without wasting any time, I headed straight to the checkout counter.

I quickly placed my order and received the items I wanted. With a happy smile, I took the tray containing a hot latte and what looked like a freshly baked chocolate croissant to the counter made of wood. Yep, that's my brunch for today.

Since the corners are always calming, I seeked out a seat in the deeper parts of this cafe. It was a weekday, so the inside of the shop was relatively empty. I sat myself down at a seat beside a window in the corner.

The coffee shop was decorated in a sombre dark brown hue. This coffee shop was quiet as there was no radio or TV being broadcast. It was indeed a pleasant environment for someone like me.

Then I chewed on a delicious chocolate croissant as I looked outside at the street through the window.

Time flew by in a blink of an eye. As I left the shop, I had already finished three cups of hot latte, chocolate croissant and focaccia. The sky turns from light blue, in the morning, to a blue mixed with white, then gradually mixed with red. Street was already filled with people hurrying home during the rush hour, so it was noisy and lively.

The asphalt road still had traces of the heat of the setting sun: it was a bit warm and a bit moist. I walked, just walking with no specific destination in mind. I was wandering around before heading back to my apartment when I noticed a store that caught my interest. It was a new bookstore I had been wanting to check out for some time. Curiously, I approached the store, wondering about the books they might have for sale.

I walked towards the new literary books corner. I looked around without looking at anything specifically. As I started looking through the bookshelf from the top, suddenly a hand appeared from the corner of my eye. It was a really cliché situation, and thinking back about it, it was easy to guess what happened next; our hands were so close to touch each other.

"O-Oh, s-sorry!" I said, and we both withdrew our hands in a hurry.

There was a girl standing beside me. We looked at each other, separated by just a few centimeters.

I jumped up in shock, taken aback. With a large bag hanging from her shoulder, she was a deep blush as she lowered her head, her face a shade of red all the way till the tip of her ears.

She twitched in surprise and timidly shook her head in a panic. As I looked away, I heard in a small voice from the direction of that girl.

"Ah! Erm."

I made a checking glance at the girl. We exchanged looks at each other trying to find the right timing to speak up and that girl whispered in a small voice.

"Are... you Mr.Ikta?"

"...Oh."

When my name was called by a surprising person, I was startled and responded late. Unknowingly, a drop of sweat ran down. My body stiffed up. We gave each other confirming looks to see who the other was.

A student was standing beside the bookshelf looking towards me.

When I saw her, the words "graceful" and "neat" didn't immediately come to mind, but I couldn't find any other words to describe her accurately. She had long black hair that flowed down past her shoulders, and her high school uniform suited her very well. She was taller than most girls, just slightly shorter than me. Although she appeared like a typical high school girl, her thin lips and sad expression gave her an old-fashioned image of what a school girl would look like within my mind. On the other hand, her large pupils portrayed energy and liveliness, rather than a graceful demeanor.

In other words, it was a girl I didn't recognize.

"Eh?... Who're you?"

I asked candidly. Though I was never good at interacting with people, I didn't intend to treat someone I just met for the first time coldly. While I didn't know who she was, for some reason, she seemed to know who I am.

"Don't you remember me? My name is Novi, Novi Arini."

I looked once again at the girl called Novi. After making sure that I don't know her, I replied, "I'm sorry, I don't think I remember who you are."

While maintaining her smile, she tilted her head, apparently confused.

"You're Mr.Ikta, right? From Kojo cramp school?"

Since she mentioned a place where I used to work, I assumed she was one of the students there. Well... It's very common for students to remember their teacher. As for teachers who don't remember their students, it's natural, right?

"Could it be that you are a student there?"

"Yes, that's it!"

Novi nodded her head greatly.

"I was one of your students back there"

I taught many students while teaching there. So it was of course impossible for me to remember all faces or names! Not to mention that was a year ago. Furthermore, I believed I was a teacher who the students did not like.

But on the other hand, this girl called Novi managed to remember me. I feel so proud myself.

However, it is also possible that everything is just a coincidence. When people read the same newspaper article, they might understand it differently because everyone has their own perspective and interpretation.

I regained my senses and tried to find something to say, "So, Novi, right? ...Erm, looking... for something?"

She quickly replied, "Ah, no, nothing in particular" while waving her hand.

"Ahh... Is that so?" I spat out those words.

"What about you, Mr.Ikta?"

"Me?" I blinked a few times, then continued "Well, I was on my way home when I saw this new bookstore. I was curious and then... You know..."

As the sentence progressed, words got cut along with the contents of what I wanted to say. Maybe because I watched her smiling as she browsed through the bookshelf. I thought it was amazing that she was able to show her happiness even while browsing.

When she noticed the silent, she turned her face toward me as if saying, "What's with the sudden silent?".

"No. Nothing."

I reflexively averted my eyes from her along with a short reply.

Though I expected a response, she was already back again browsing through the bookshelf as before. It couldn't be helped, so I opened my mouth again.

"Found something interesting?" I asked.

"Ah!" Novi looked at me as if seeing something peculiar, such as a spirit, staring at me blankly.

"No. Nothing. Nothing special." Novi murmured in a quiet, surprised voice. "No. Nothing."

I repeated what she had said like a parrot mimicking the words of someone.

In the end, neither of us bought anything from the bookshop. When we left the store, she lowered her head with a polite gesture, and I lifted my hand in response and then began walking. I parted from her without a single word and headed back home. But even after I turned the street corner, I could still feel her gentle eyes seeing me off.